As scary as vampires are, Blacula isn’t so much scary as it is creepy and just plain fun to watch (catch it and it’s sequel Saturday at 6pm ET). But that’s because it doesn’t tap into the things that truly scare people.

Given that’s its Halloween time, we figured the best way to illustrate some of the things that scare us is to look at the films that best show some of the things that give make you thikn twice before entering a dark room.

So, without further ado, we present the Top 3 Scariest Movies . . . To Black Folks.

Jaws
What It’s About: A New York cop moves to a beach town for a slower life only to find he’s up against a ruthless killer – a really hungry great white shark with an appetite for anyone brave enough to get in the water.
Why It Scared Black People: If you listen to comedians, Black folks are afraid of swimming but take a look at any public pool in the summer and you can debunk that myth. What Black folks are afraid of is swimming with wild animals. Namely, ones with mouths big enough to swallow Volkswagons.

Cujo
What It’s About: A mother and son battle their pet dog that has become insane after being bitten by a bat with rabies.
Why It Scared Black People: Given our uneven history with dogs, specifically those employed by local police departments, you’d think we’d be really frightened of dogs. Unfortunately, Michael Vick has proven otherwise. That said, Black folks have a healthy respect for mother nature and untamed creatures, especially when those creatures have rabies and want to bite you. Cujo could have been about a rabid squirrel and we’d still be hiding behind our fingers.

The Exorcist
What It’s About: Supposedly based on a true story, Exorcist tells the story of a young Washington, DC girl who is possessed by the devil.
Why It Scared Black People: It’s not called the scariest movie of all time for no reason; all that head-spinning, projectile-vomiting and bed-shaking frightened the world, but let’s be clear, it scared the mess out of Black folks. Simply put, we don’t mess with the devil. Not on screen, in books or even cartoons. Deviled eggs, maybe. But THE Devil, not so much.

QUESTION: What do you think is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?

We assume that like us, you’re very attractive and have had your fair share of stalkers, right? Sure you have.

Well, like us, you too can now get expert advice on how to avoid these unwanted guests through magic miracle of movies. Did you know that some movies are written by people with real-life experiences that may be like your own? We didn’t either, but we’ve done the research.

Now thanks to our research we can offer a selection of movies that will help with your romantic issues.

Asunder
FRIDAY AT 10pm (ET)
Has this Happened to You: After your good friend loses his spouse and child in a horrific ferris wheel accident, you take him into your home only to become the object of his homicidal obsession.
Stalker Behavior: There’s lots of tell-tale signs – trying to kill your husband, murderous fits and lots of screaming. However, one of the biggest signs that the man in your life may be a stalker is when he comes into YOUR house and starts quoting I Love Lucy. See below:

Fatal Attraction
Has this Happened to You: The wife and kid are out of town and you decide to have a quick fling with a woman you met at work.
Stalker Behavior: Before she starts tossing your pets into the crock pot or turning your BMW into a human-sized scratching post, you should pay close attention to the voice mails she’s leaving. If any of them sound like the one below, you should get out of dodge immediately. Click and listen below:

Misery
Has this Happened to You: You’re a successful writer who’s car breaks down in the middle of nowhere when your rescued by a reclusive maniac who doesn’t like your last book.
Stalker Behavior: First, you should be afraid of any grown woman who uses the word “cockadoodie.” Second, if your small request for paper sends her into a scary rage, you might want to find a way out of the house — quick. Watch below: